The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work , by John Gottman is a book that describes what he describes as seven principles that can lead to a harmonious and lasting relationship. This book tries to disprove some of what it describes as a myth about marriage and why they failed. The seven principles set by Gottman are for partners to improve their love landscape; nurture joy and admiration; turning away from each other rather than leaving; let their partner influence them; solve a problem that can be solved; overcoming congestion; and create a shared meaning. The book is included in the Comprehensive Army fitness program. The follow up of this book is 2013 What Makes the Last Last?
Video The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Principles
According to Gottman, couples strengthen friendships that are at the core of any marriage by enhancing their love maps; nurturing their fondness and admiration; turning away from each other instead of going; letting their partner influence them; solve their problemable problems; overcoming congestion; and create a shared meaning.
Enhance the love map
The "love map" is part of a person's brain where someone keeps all relevant information about their partner's life, such as their worries, hopes, and life goals; their history; and the facts and feelings of their world. According to Gottman, happy married couples use their love maps to express not only the understanding of each other, but also their passion and admiration.
Maintain your likes and admiration
Maintaining passion and admiration involves a little meditation on one's partner and what makes others like it. Exercises suggested by the book to do this include, among other things, thinking about incidents that illustrate the characteristics a person values ​​in a partner; talking about happy events in the past; and completed the 49-item "Seventeen-Night Course in Fondness and Admiration".
Switch to one another
Reversing each other means relating to one's spouse; being there for each other during small events in their respective lives; and responds to couples' bids well for attention, affection, humor or support.
Receive influence
Accepting influence means sharing power; making one's partner a partner in a person's decision making by considering their opinions and feelings.
Troubleshoot troubleshooting
The Gottman model for conflict resolution involves startup softening (ie leading a discussion without criticism or contempt, making direct comments about anxiety and expressing one's needs in a positive way); learn to make and receive remedial efforts (statements or actions that prevent negativity from increasing uncontrollably, attempts by couples to reduce tension during sensitive discussions); soothe themselves and the couple; compromise; and being tolerant of each other's faults.
Clear jams
According to Gottman, congestion occurs when a conflict makes a person feel rejected by his partner; they continue to talk about it but make no progress; they are entrenched in their position and will not budge; when they discuss the subject, they end up feeling more frustrated and hurt; their conversations about the matter contain no humor, entertainment, or affection; they become increasingly unruly over time, which makes them vilify during this conversation; this defamation makes one more rooted in one's position and polarized, more extreme in one's sight, and all who are less willing to compromise; and finally they break away from each other emotionally. Gottman argues that no matter how deeply rooted in a couple's congestion, all they need to get out of it is the motivation and willingness to explore the hidden problems that actually cause congestion.
Gottman explains the shared meaning as a spiritual dimension for marriage related to creating a shared inner life-a culture rich in symbols and rituals, and an appreciation for the role and purpose of the couples that connect them, leading them to understand what it means to be part of their family. According to Gottman, when marriage has a shared meaning, the conflict is much less intense and the eternal problems tend not to lead to congestion.
Maps The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Reviews and research
The book is praised for being compatible with feminist and research principles which state that collective power is essential for successful marriage, and in contrast to Men derived from Mars, Women derived from Venus, whose recommendations are largely based on opinions rather than research and serves to support and encourage differences in power between and traditional roles for men and women. A study showed that 63 percent of husbands and wives who read the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work reported that their marriages had changed for the better and still increased a year later.
Andrew Keyt reviews the book well, commenting, "This reviewer feels that divorce predictions as well as Gottman and Silver's Seven Principles provide valuable lessons for family businesses and family business professionals... Because of its commercial focus, this book does not contain the data needed to evaluate the research method used, however, the results of the authors create intuitive instinct.The results show that the quality of the emotional relationship between the couple and their respect for each other influences their success.a role in serving the family and understand that the marital relationship often teaches the family system much about how interacting, this book should be read by family business professionals. "Linda Pounds writes," I believe couples looking for ways to change destructive patterns will find this book as a useful tool.Reminders to focus on positive feelings, which form the basis of relationships, and to checking our own behavior in relationships indicates personal responsibility "The authors encourage us to spend time with partners. This book is a call to action with respect and respect in relationships. "
Criticism
Milton Spett criticized Gottman's claim of a low relapse of his marital therapy: "Gottman made this claim without reporting standard techniques from results research: no control group, no random assignment for care, no blind evaluation of outcomes." Gottman's criticism of active listening, partly based on the results of the Munich Marriage Therapy Study, was also countered by Robert F. Scuka, who argued that "a careful reading of Hahlweg et al. (1984) studies revealed that Gottman quotes only results side) of research.He also ignores some important considerations that question the implicit dismissal of the RE model as a valid therapeutic intervention for a suffering couple. "
References
External links
- Gottman, John M. and Julie (January 3, 2011). "How to Keep Love Strong: 7 principles on the road to happiness forever". Yes!.
Source of the article : Wikipedia
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